Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
