He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
