worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
