i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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