More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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