nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
