shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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