My liver just broke up with me...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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