my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
