My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
