I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
