then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Randomize
