No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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