I heard we made out
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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