Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone signed my nipple.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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