drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
