i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
