the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
