I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
