He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
