He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
