honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
