Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
