you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
