My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
