no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
