dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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