He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
