I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
