btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
