you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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