why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
