I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's like heaven, but drunker
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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