I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
