Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
