Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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