Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
