just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
