You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
