saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
