What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
