she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
