Got a toothbrush?
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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