I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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