Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
