It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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