I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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