her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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