There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
