My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
