Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
