I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
be right there i have to get my cape
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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